Soroptimists all across the globe work on projects that seek to help those who in turn, help survivors of domestic violence. These safe houses or refuges offer a safety net, a place where women and their children can escape from the living hell of domestic abuse.

This is a story of a survivor, not a victim. 

by Susan Groves–Phillips 

At Christmas half a lifetime ago, my daughters and I became
refugees in our own country. We were fleeing a violent & tyrannical regime,
which controlled every aspect of our lives. A lovely lady (a volunteer) I will
never forget, drove the 55 miles round trip to rescue us. We drove away from
our old lives in terror, with a large black bin liner which contained pitifully
few belongings and my daughters Brownie uniforms that I had grabbed before we
left.

We were taken to a large but unremarkable end of terrace
house in a nearby small University town. We entered through the front door into
a grubby and cluttered hallway, with a single unshaded light bulb illuminating
our future.  As the door closed behind us
I felt an overwhelming sense of being safe…. Completely safe …for the first
time in many years. I wanted to fall to my knees and kiss the hall floor in
gratitude. The only thing that stopped me was the wide eyed, frightened and
bewildered faces of my daughters who were clinging to me.

We were ushered into a small room with a sofa and a TV, it
was little more than a hallway to the kitchen beyond it. The room was full of
women sitting on hard dining chairs and on a low tatty sofa; several were
smoking. By the TV was a tatty artificial Christmas tree, the only evidence of
the season. I sank into one corner of the sofa and my little girls climbed into
my lap. I was offered a cup of tea; one of the best and most longed for cups of
tea of my life, the girls were given orange squash.

A woman came in and told me there was a room upstairs we
could put our things in and as it was late maybe the children would like to get
ready for bed? There was no drama, everything was no nonsense.  All of the women shared what they had with us;
towels, soap and nightgowns were handed to me and I was shown to a large
upstairs room at the front on the house. A small baby was already sleeping in a
cot in one corner. The girls had bunk beds at the opposite corner; we tiptoed
around getting ready for bed. I sat on the floor holding my daughters hands as
they snuggled up together on the bottom bunk and fell fast asleep.

I went downstairs back to the room where all the women were.
I sat back in my seat on the sofa was handed another cup of tea and I burst
into tears, scalding, healing tears….

I spent the next 6 months of my life in the House. My
memories are all a mixture of lots of happiness and just a little terror. I
remember talking, talking, talking and I remember laughing, giggling and
howling with laughter. It was cramped, grubby, and primitive. At its worst we
had 8 women and 12 children living under that roof. Yes there were arguments,
there was head lice (briefly), but there was the greatest feeling of
camaraderie I have ever known.  We
supported each other, hated the men who had put us there and dried each other’s
tears when we missed our homes, families and yes sometimes even our exes.

I spent a further 18 months living in a house separated into
flats, all occupied by women who had left the House.  Eventually I was given a council house, next
door to a woman who had also lived in the House, but before my time. I was so
lucky, as we helped and supported each other too.

And today…?

I am still in touch with many of the women I lived with.  I still live in that small University town in
a cottage. My daughters have husbands, own their own homes, have beautiful families,
successful careers and good degrees.  They are not
unusual amongst the children of the House at least 3 of them have PhDs so far.
It was an unusual childhood but I am thankful their memories, like mine, are
mainly happy ones.

I finished my degree and I went on to get a Masters in
Computer Science and worked in research for some years. I run my own small company
and I have worked around the world as an IT consultant.

 I am very blessed and
as I said….. I am a survivor!  I am not a
victim of Domestic Abuse

Pick of the Projects

Soroptimist International Gippsland, Victoria, Australia

In an ongoing project partnership with VACCA and Orana Gunyah domestic violence shelter, donations of goods were received from local businesses of material for pamper bags, bedroom items, bathroom items, toiletries such as toothpaste, toothbrushes, shampoo and conditioner. 

The Victorian Aboriginal Care Agency received funding from
the Victorian Government to build a domestic violence shelter for aboriginal
women who are in crisis. The funding does not cover personal items such as
sheets, towel, toiletries, children’s toys etc. Members
were asked to donate items to make up pamper packs to donate to the shelter.
For example the little complimentary toiletry bottles and sewing kits etc you get in hotels. Members approached some businesses within the Morwell community
and they agreed to donate items as well. Members sewed pamper packs from
materials donated from a local blinds and curtain shop. Money was donated to
buy a yarning mat, a weighted snake for playing on and beanbags for sharing
their experiences.

 

SI Gippsland hope the women leaving their violent home situation to go to the shelter in
crises are able to feel a bit better once they have had a shower, dried
themselves with a new towel and slept on clean sheets. Knowing that these items
have been provided with love by local women may help them feel better too. They
are able to sit comfortably on the yarning mat with other women and staff and
talk about their experiences and start to heal.

 

Feedback
received from the staff at VACCA, the Shelter and women who have attended at
the shelter has been very positive and grateful to have help in their times of
need. Several SI of Gippsland members attended the open day for the Shelter
(Orana Gunyah) on 4th August 2014 and they were told many times how grateful
the women and staff are for our assistance. 17 women have used the shelter
since it opened in March this year. This
is an ongoing project for the club and they will continue to support VACCA and
the Shelter in any way they can. A spokesperson for Orana Gunyah accommodation service says: "The pamper packs are very well appreciated by the women and we
give some appropriate items to the children as well. It’s nice for the women to feel welcomed and the packs add to
this, as you know a lot of women escaping violence leave with nothing so we are
very appreciative of the support you give Orana Gunyah and the items donated.

 

SI of Gippsland Inc have
contributed to VACCA (Victorian Aboriginal Child Care Agency Cooperative Inc)
and the recently opened refuge Orana Gunyah in Morwell over the last 3 – 4
years.

Samantha Brick, President of SI of Gippsland inc. says: "We initially made a donation of Art Supplies so that the Elders could
work with some young people to create unique culturally sensitive art work. We
have made pamper packs and SI members purchased and donated hundreds of $ of
goods so that the women arriving at Orana Gunyah had some basic supplies but
more importantly so that they knew that other women are thinking about them. We
donated $1000 to Orana Gunyah which was initially to be used to supply safety
gates on the two storey units at the new centre. The government ended up paying
for the gates so our money was used to buy a beautiful yarning mat, colourful
bean bags and a weighted snake. These are now used by the women and children in
the meeting area on a regular basis.

"As a club we want to support our local women who are from
many different cultural backgrounds. We think it is particularly important that
we support our Koori sisters and Aunties. We love having Aunty Esme as a member
and she is an important linking person who helps us to understand some of the
issues facing her community. We love listening to her stories about her history
and the people she is working with. Any contribution we make is given with love
and respect.

 

"We were very pleased to have Aunty Esme Thompson and her
colleague Jess make "Creation Lady". She represented a pregnant lady
and she had the image of her child and the hand prints of many children on her.
She was a special part of our lantern parade.